Years ago; I had the privilege of visiting Amirhassan Javadi my therapist. There I had confronted myself with a very strange truth about this world: “It is not at all grand and strange as it seems”.

I remember our talks on how the problems I had was centered around my childhood and how all that I do today is their manifestation in me. So, imagine; when I had extended that to the rest of the world and realized how perhaps all wars are because of that too; how people going to the moon may simply be someone’s mind trying to think their parents were proud. Isn’t that strange? For years I had a problem just, thinking about this; so imagine my time trying to accept it. He told me that almost everything is about some few internal feelings and nothing else. He was right. Sadly And he made me realize — as well; — how all things are some what about something internal; The Love I looked for in others; I had to find it inside myself; The “Greatness” I looked to find was something I had to “heal” internally. So things began to change for me.

Before going to Amirhassan’s therapy, I always saw myself as this invisible; fragile; point in the whole of humanity. How must have I survived this? It seemed impossible.

But once I visited him; I began, more and more; to calibrate my vision to see my immediate surroundings as my world and how that was exactly my size. I began to realize this scale of humanity is not something that we have been designed for.

Actually; more and more I realized that none of the things we have around us right for us. Sitting in the nature makes you realize just how insane the urban noise is. These days I get a headache when I get into the streets. These many cars and building sites; and all else; how are we surviving all this? Media theorists before me have already shown Alienation and Numbness, and that is it. But! and that is one big but! Much remains to be examined. (and so little did I know about everything).

One day; after visiting Amirhassan I went for a park to walk a little bit. As I found one and entered the place; a Crow came and hunted this little bird in front of my eyes. This was the first time that I saw an animal getting killed; being hunted and die in front of me. Other than ants I had never seen any other life form die and that was a new thing.

I was expecting shock and horror; but it was a lovely day; the sky was blue; people were walking and children were playing; everything was normal ==expect== of course a bird eating another bird in front of me.

When you imagine death; it is like a film. There is a dark soundtrack; the colors are filtered; people talk strangely. We, through our medium; project our unconsciousness upon the reality and believe that our lie is the reality.

Just as we gatekeep science with our degrees and grades and create a fantasy in which we own science and anyone who purchases that science from outside of this university is illiterate; we have the same problem in our interface with the rest of the world. But when it comes to those birds; I had just realized none of the emotions I knew about death was real. I knew things made by directors and producers not the death itself. The real death was calm and not scary. It is sad; but it is not scary. Now that is strange.

For years, I have been wrestling with my pursuit of greatness. The desire to be resplendent, majestic, unearthly. The works my heroes Maestro Rachmaninoff and Maestro Knuth for example had always kept my praises up in the sky.